Reflective Cover Letter
Draft 2
The past semester has been more than helpful in helping me to develop my writing. My portfolio for this semester will contain my Proposal Essay, News Story, Application Essay, and my “This I Believe” piece. All have developed from draft to draft. Although some started out better than others, they all now seem to have answered their individual prompts, and give good evidence to support it. Most of all I am choosing these papers because they all started out in different ways and they required different processes to revise each piece.
The Proposal essay asked you to write a piece on something you would like to change that is local. Then recommend a way to change it. For the Proposal I had small problems with the transitions, so after I had fixed the transitions I changed my conclusion to better some up the paper. I did the paper on an easy topic for me to talk about. It was on the Lines at the bookstore, and the cost of the books themselves. I was able to establish a reasonable solution to the problems, which I stated clearly in the paper. I then gave examples to show that my solution would work. Also at the beginning of the piece I gave a personal experience from when I went to get my books during my first week at BCC. This helped show a connection between me and the problem I was trying to fix.
The News Story asked you to write a news story for a local paper that explains about a local event. In the News Story I had to take away some of the information that made it seem like it had a personal feel, but overall it was on topic and had very solid transitions, and a good clear thesis. The topic was general enough that I did not have trouble finding the information, but rather finding the right information. The first draft was fairly random. I did the paper on The New England Patriots blowout of the Tennessee Titans this season. I feel that I left out important information that could have helped the flow of the paper. When I read my first draft I felt that I had given it a personal feel, and maybe even a biased perspective. After the second draft, all information that seemed personal I took away. Then I added information to help rid the paper of a biased feel.
For the application essay I needed to write an essay to a college or university of my choice, and answer their essay question for applying to their school. The Application essay was my best, or one of my best first drafts. I spent the most time on this paper because I plan on using it to apply to Massachusetts Maritime Academy this year, which is the school I did my paper on. This paper was very necessary to get feedback, especially in the peer review which helped me discover that it was actually off topic from the actual question. Also your comment on my blog pointed that out as well. So what I did was relate the example to the topic question so it would clearly answer the question. Also I added a stronger thesis; the previous one was a bit weak. The most important thing I did was change the story so it seemed that I was answering the question directly. Now the first paragraph about when I first meet Colonel Westcott talks about how he changed my decision of wanting a normal civilian career.
Finally the “This I Believe” piece asked you to explain a belief you have with details as to why you have that belief. This paper was my worst first draft. The transitions were awful, I chose some bad examples to support my belief, and the paper had no flow at all. The peer review helped me establish a flow in the paper and by the final draft I worked in some good transition, and better examples. Also I added key details to explain my new examples which would help the reader understand where I was going with the paper. Even though it started out as a mess and was definitely, a very weak paper, I think that it now has done its purpose in stating my belief, and then explaining why I believe in that.
As the semester is quickly coming to an end I notice that when look back at my old work and compare them to my recent papers, I tend to look for different things now; like flow, transitions, and ask questions about my work like; does it answer the question clearly? Or are my examples detailed enough? Before this class when I would look over a draft all I would look out for is grammar and punctuation mistakes. Now I have a much better idea on what to look for and how to fix the mistakes I find. Overall I think I have developed my writing ability, and hope to keep doing so.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Cover Letter
Reflective Cover Letter
Draft 1
The past semester has been more than helpful in helping me to develop my writing. My portfolio for this semester will contain my Proposal Essay, News Story, Application Essay, and my “This I Believe” piece. All have developed from draft to draft. Although some started out better than others, they all seem to have answered their individual prompts, and give good evidence to support it. Most of all I am choosing these papers because they all started out in different ways and they had different problems that needed to be fixed.
The proposal asked you to write a piece on something you would like to change that is local. Then recommend a way to change it. The News Story asked you to write a news story for a local paper that explains about a local event. For the application essay I needed to write an essay to a college or university of my choice, an answer their essay question for applying to their school. Finally the “This I Believe” piece asked you to explain a belief you have with details as to why you have that belief.
For the Proposal I had small problems with the transitions, so after I had fixed the transitions I changed my conclusion to better some up the paper. In the News Story I had to take away some of the information that made it seem like it had a personal feel, but overall it was on topic and had very solid transitions, and a good clear thesis. The Application essay was my best or one of my best first drafts. I spent the most time on this paper because I plan on using it to apply to that school this year. That paper was very necessary to get the feedback I did, especially in the peer review which helped me discover that it was actually off topic from the actual question. Also your comment on my blog pointed that out as well. However, my “This I Believe” paper was my worst first draft. The transitions were awful, I chose some bad examples to support my belief, and the paper had no flow at all. The peer review helped me establish a flow in the paper and by the final draft I worked in some good transition, and better examples.
As the semester is quickly coming to an end I notice that when I have written my more recent papers, I tend to look for things like flow, transitions, and things like does it answer the question? Before this class when I would look over a draft all I would find is grammar and punctuation mistakes. Overall I think I have developed my writing ability, and hope to keep doing so.
Draft 1
The past semester has been more than helpful in helping me to develop my writing. My portfolio for this semester will contain my Proposal Essay, News Story, Application Essay, and my “This I Believe” piece. All have developed from draft to draft. Although some started out better than others, they all seem to have answered their individual prompts, and give good evidence to support it. Most of all I am choosing these papers because they all started out in different ways and they had different problems that needed to be fixed.
The proposal asked you to write a piece on something you would like to change that is local. Then recommend a way to change it. The News Story asked you to write a news story for a local paper that explains about a local event. For the application essay I needed to write an essay to a college or university of my choice, an answer their essay question for applying to their school. Finally the “This I Believe” piece asked you to explain a belief you have with details as to why you have that belief.
For the Proposal I had small problems with the transitions, so after I had fixed the transitions I changed my conclusion to better some up the paper. In the News Story I had to take away some of the information that made it seem like it had a personal feel, but overall it was on topic and had very solid transitions, and a good clear thesis. The Application essay was my best or one of my best first drafts. I spent the most time on this paper because I plan on using it to apply to that school this year. That paper was very necessary to get the feedback I did, especially in the peer review which helped me discover that it was actually off topic from the actual question. Also your comment on my blog pointed that out as well. However, my “This I Believe” paper was my worst first draft. The transitions were awful, I chose some bad examples to support my belief, and the paper had no flow at all. The peer review helped me establish a flow in the paper and by the final draft I worked in some good transition, and better examples.
As the semester is quickly coming to an end I notice that when I have written my more recent papers, I tend to look for things like flow, transitions, and things like does it answer the question? Before this class when I would look over a draft all I would find is grammar and punctuation mistakes. Overall I think I have developed my writing ability, and hope to keep doing so.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Scholary Annotation Draft 1
Tellis, Ashley J. “Reconciling with the Taliban” Carnegie endowment.org (2009). American Diplomacy. 2009. Web. 20 November 2009.
In the piece, “Reconciling with the Taliban,” Tellis talks about how we may be losing the war in Afghanistan. She uses evidence that was used in Iraq to support the statement we are losing Afghanistan. It ends with “If we are not winning we are losing, there is no draw in this type of war.”
Tellis is part of the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace, which is a focus on international relations and specifically for this time period, the war on terror. She has also been focused on this topic for several years. I think she knows what she talks about. Mostly because of her in depth detail she gives into her examples that prove her points. The only downside is it was published in May. Making it a bit outdated. But most of the facts still remain, “we are losing this war,” for example. The journal is very credible. It is used around the world to give out the facts and only facts. Nothing is thrown in to enhance the stories as you may have seen on television.
In the piece, “Reconciling with the Taliban,” Tellis talks about how we may be losing the war in Afghanistan. She uses evidence that was used in Iraq to support the statement we are losing Afghanistan. It ends with “If we are not winning we are losing, there is no draw in this type of war.”
Tellis is part of the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace, which is a focus on international relations and specifically for this time period, the war on terror. She has also been focused on this topic for several years. I think she knows what she talks about. Mostly because of her in depth detail she gives into her examples that prove her points. The only downside is it was published in May. Making it a bit outdated. But most of the facts still remain, “we are losing this war,” for example. The journal is very credible. It is used around the world to give out the facts and only facts. Nothing is thrown in to enhance the stories as you may have seen on television.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Proposal Draft 1 P.W.
After writing my first draft for my proposal i feel strong about the way i wrote it. I felt it had a purpose and that it could be used as a real proposal, which is what i was aiming for.
Things i need to work on are my conclusion and some more detail in the personal story. I definitely think the conclusion is short and missing something. I hope my partner can help me with that.
-Do you think my proposal is explained well?
-Anything else need to be changed, as far as making this a real proposal?
Things i need to work on are my conclusion and some more detail in the personal story. I definitely think the conclusion is short and missing something. I hope my partner can help me with that.
-Do you think my proposal is explained well?
-Anything else need to be changed, as far as making this a real proposal?
Proposal Draft 1
Stopping Long Lines at Bookstore
Proposal Essay
Draft 1
As if the price of college textbooks isn’t enough, you have to wait in a line for up to two hours just to get a book that might not even be in stock. It seems that the management of the Bristol Community College bookstore could use some assistance.
During my first week at BCC, I was preparing for my classes accordingly, and that includes buying my class textbooks. When I stepped into G building I saw a line almost reaching the doors you walk in. I then waited two and a half hours just to get someone to look for my books. After another twenty minutes of someone searching for them they only had one of the four I needed in stock, which meant I needed to come back. The following week I returned to a line similar to the first one I waited in; at least they had my books this time.
It shouldn’t have to cost money just to help students get their books sooner and faster. A better more efficient way to distribute the books should be developed.
A good way to help the clustering of lines is to have the students drop off their schedule at the beginning of the day. This way the employees could have time to gather the books together while students go on with their day. Then at a later that day the student could come and pick up their books and pay for them. As for some books being out of stock you could easily say they could just order more books, but that can be costly for the school. What could be done is the bookstore could talk to the teachers more about the way they will teach their class. So the store knows whether or not teachers will want a textbook for their class. This will give the store more money to spend on buying books for the classes that will be using them.
Solving these two problems would save students a lot of aggravation and stress. The last thing we need to work into our schedule is two hours to be stuck in a line waiting for textbooks.
Proposal Essay
Draft 1
As if the price of college textbooks isn’t enough, you have to wait in a line for up to two hours just to get a book that might not even be in stock. It seems that the management of the Bristol Community College bookstore could use some assistance.
During my first week at BCC, I was preparing for my classes accordingly, and that includes buying my class textbooks. When I stepped into G building I saw a line almost reaching the doors you walk in. I then waited two and a half hours just to get someone to look for my books. After another twenty minutes of someone searching for them they only had one of the four I needed in stock, which meant I needed to come back. The following week I returned to a line similar to the first one I waited in; at least they had my books this time.
It shouldn’t have to cost money just to help students get their books sooner and faster. A better more efficient way to distribute the books should be developed.
A good way to help the clustering of lines is to have the students drop off their schedule at the beginning of the day. This way the employees could have time to gather the books together while students go on with their day. Then at a later that day the student could come and pick up their books and pay for them. As for some books being out of stock you could easily say they could just order more books, but that can be costly for the school. What could be done is the bookstore could talk to the teachers more about the way they will teach their class. So the store knows whether or not teachers will want a textbook for their class. This will give the store more money to spend on buying books for the classes that will be using them.
Solving these two problems would save students a lot of aggravation and stress. The last thing we need to work into our schedule is two hours to be stuck in a line waiting for textbooks.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
David Mendonca
Herald News
News Story Draft 1
Pats Pummel the Titans!
FOXBORO- Bill Belichick is a pure genius in bad weather. He is now 10-1 in games under 34 degrees, and 11-0 in Foxboro when it snows. The scene in Foxboro was picture perfect with the temperature at exactly 34 degrees in a snow covered Gillette Stadium. The New England Patriots (4-2) beat the Tennessee Titans (0-6) 59-0in the largest blowout in the franchises history. Also, all questions about the ability of Tom Brady this season have now been silenced. After posting 6 touchdown passes, 5 in the second quarter, 380 passing yards and a perfect passer rating. The Pats scored 45 points in the first half alone, and 35 in the second quarter. The 45 points in the first half is an NFL record and the 59 points is the most scored in a game since 2003.
On the flipside the Titans had their worst game in years. Quarterback Kerry Collins was 2-12 for completing passes, and had -7 passing yards. The numbers do not show everything however. There were numerous catchable balls that were dropped; it just so happens nobody keeps track of dropped balls. The young pass defense was picked apart, and at times they had no idea what play was being ran it seemed. Running Back Chris Johnson was the lone bright spot for the un-mighty Titans.
This morning I caught up with Ryan Laroche, a college student at Bridgewater State College, who was in attendance at the game. I asked him what his favorite part of the game was. He said, “Laurence Maroney started the scoring with a sweet 45 yard run for a touchdown. It seems like he hasn’t done something productive in forever, so that was nice to see.” Following that I asked if it was worth staying in the cold windy, wet snow. He said “I would do anything to see the Patriots perform like they did today, it was simply amazing.”
Post write
I feel that my first draft was successful in getting the basic information across, however I don’t think my angle is clear, and I need to find a way to put in more detail and information without making it too long.
Also I’m not sure if it is written like a news story or not, I can’t tell. I know that I tried to make it feel like you are looking at a news article but I do not know if I was successful in how I wrote it.
Questions I have for the reader are:
-Is there an angle in this paper?
-Does it sound like a news story?
-Should I add more information and detail?
Herald News
News Story Draft 1
Pats Pummel the Titans!
FOXBORO- Bill Belichick is a pure genius in bad weather. He is now 10-1 in games under 34 degrees, and 11-0 in Foxboro when it snows. The scene in Foxboro was picture perfect with the temperature at exactly 34 degrees in a snow covered Gillette Stadium. The New England Patriots (4-2) beat the Tennessee Titans (0-6) 59-0in the largest blowout in the franchises history. Also, all questions about the ability of Tom Brady this season have now been silenced. After posting 6 touchdown passes, 5 in the second quarter, 380 passing yards and a perfect passer rating. The Pats scored 45 points in the first half alone, and 35 in the second quarter. The 45 points in the first half is an NFL record and the 59 points is the most scored in a game since 2003.
On the flipside the Titans had their worst game in years. Quarterback Kerry Collins was 2-12 for completing passes, and had -7 passing yards. The numbers do not show everything however. There were numerous catchable balls that were dropped; it just so happens nobody keeps track of dropped balls. The young pass defense was picked apart, and at times they had no idea what play was being ran it seemed. Running Back Chris Johnson was the lone bright spot for the un-mighty Titans.
This morning I caught up with Ryan Laroche, a college student at Bridgewater State College, who was in attendance at the game. I asked him what his favorite part of the game was. He said, “Laurence Maroney started the scoring with a sweet 45 yard run for a touchdown. It seems like he hasn’t done something productive in forever, so that was nice to see.” Following that I asked if it was worth staying in the cold windy, wet snow. He said “I would do anything to see the Patriots perform like they did today, it was simply amazing.”
Post write
I feel that my first draft was successful in getting the basic information across, however I don’t think my angle is clear, and I need to find a way to put in more detail and information without making it too long.
Also I’m not sure if it is written like a news story or not, I can’t tell. I know that I tried to make it feel like you are looking at a news article but I do not know if I was successful in how I wrote it.
Questions I have for the reader are:
-Is there an angle in this paper?
-Does it sound like a news story?
-Should I add more information and detail?
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Application Essay Draft 2
David Mendonca
Application essay
What is motivating you to attend Massachusetts Maritime Academy?
The Mass Maritime Academy is a college that will put me on track to achieve my ambitions. I am thinking of a future in the United States Armed Forces, and it appears that the Academy will help me to decide how I want to go about this. I also know that attending the Academy will prepare me for an excellent career with whichever major I decide to pursue, because of their job placement program.
When I was 11 years old, I spent a week in Washington, Maryland with a family friend. His name was Colonel Bruce Wescott, who worked at the Pentagon. Spending that week with Colonel Prescott changed my life. During the 9/11 strikes he was at work in the building, and his office was destroyed by the attack. During the attack he managed to save ten co-workers who were too hurt to get themselves out. He was then given a medal and he even got to meet the president. Listening to him talk about his job and career experiences left me with the utmost respect for him and the armed services. I never felt such honor as when I walked and talked with him. I knew at that time I somehow wanted to have that sort of a life.
My family and I started visiting college campuses last summer, and I came to the conclusion that I was interested in a military school atmosphere more than the “ordinary” college. While Mass Maritime is not a military school, the environment seems to be exactly what I am interested in. The discipline and regiment of the school will help me pursue my goals and give me an experience of a lifetime. The Academy is a place where I believe I can develop and enhance my personal attributes so I too can achieve the honor and respect such as Colonel Wescott. Mass Maritime Academy is a perfect fit for me; please give me a chance to achieve my career goals by accepting me at the Academy.
Post Write
After writing my second draft I felt that the transitions were a bit more smooth and you can understand where the paper is going.
What I am missing now is a little more evidence as to why I want to attend MMA.
Questions I have for readers are: Do you think the transitions work? Would you say the question was answered correctly?
Application essay
What is motivating you to attend Massachusetts Maritime Academy?
The Mass Maritime Academy is a college that will put me on track to achieve my ambitions. I am thinking of a future in the United States Armed Forces, and it appears that the Academy will help me to decide how I want to go about this. I also know that attending the Academy will prepare me for an excellent career with whichever major I decide to pursue, because of their job placement program.
When I was 11 years old, I spent a week in Washington, Maryland with a family friend. His name was Colonel Bruce Wescott, who worked at the Pentagon. Spending that week with Colonel Prescott changed my life. During the 9/11 strikes he was at work in the building, and his office was destroyed by the attack. During the attack he managed to save ten co-workers who were too hurt to get themselves out. He was then given a medal and he even got to meet the president. Listening to him talk about his job and career experiences left me with the utmost respect for him and the armed services. I never felt such honor as when I walked and talked with him. I knew at that time I somehow wanted to have that sort of a life.
My family and I started visiting college campuses last summer, and I came to the conclusion that I was interested in a military school atmosphere more than the “ordinary” college. While Mass Maritime is not a military school, the environment seems to be exactly what I am interested in. The discipline and regiment of the school will help me pursue my goals and give me an experience of a lifetime. The Academy is a place where I believe I can develop and enhance my personal attributes so I too can achieve the honor and respect such as Colonel Wescott. Mass Maritime Academy is a perfect fit for me; please give me a chance to achieve my career goals by accepting me at the Academy.
Post Write
After writing my second draft I felt that the transitions were a bit more smooth and you can understand where the paper is going.
What I am missing now is a little more evidence as to why I want to attend MMA.
Questions I have for readers are: Do you think the transitions work? Would you say the question was answered correctly?
Monday, October 5, 2009
Post Write
Post Write
After writing my first draft I thought it came out better than I thought it would while I was writing it. I thought the story was appropriate for the question and it was explained fairly well.
There are a few thing missing. There is not enough detail in the body of the essay. Specifically: the story. You get the idea of it but you wonder, how he saved his ten co-workers, or where was he in the building when the plane hit. Also I should make the introduction a little clearer, and a bit longer.
Questions I have for readers are: Do you think the story works with the question well? Would you say the introduction or the conclusion needs some work? Overall, how was the flow, if any?
After writing my first draft I thought it came out better than I thought it would while I was writing it. I thought the story was appropriate for the question and it was explained fairly well.
There are a few thing missing. There is not enough detail in the body of the essay. Specifically: the story. You get the idea of it but you wonder, how he saved his ten co-workers, or where was he in the building when the plane hit. Also I should make the introduction a little clearer, and a bit longer.
Questions I have for readers are: Do you think the story works with the question well? Would you say the introduction or the conclusion needs some work? Overall, how was the flow, if any?
Application Essay
David Mendonca
Application essay
What is motivating you to attend Massachusetts Maritime Academy?
The Mass Maritime Academy is a college that will put me on track to achieve my ambitions. I am thinking of a future in the United States Armed Forces, and it appears that the Academy will help me to decide how I want to go about this. I also know that attending the Academy will prepare me for an excellent career with whichever major I decide to pursue.
When I was 11 years old, I spent a week in Washington, Maryland with a family friend. His name was Colonel Bruce Wescott, who worked at the Pentagon. Spending that week with Colonel Prescott changed my life. During the 9/11 strikes he was at work in the building, and his office was destroyed by the attack. During the attack he managed to save ten co-workers who were too hurt to get themselves out. He was then given a medal and he even got to meet the president. Listening to him talk about his job and career experiences left me with the utmost respect for him and the armed services. I never felt such honor as when I walked and talked with him. I knew at that time I somehow wanted to be like him.
My family and I started visiting college campuses last summer, and I came to the conclusion that I was interested in a military school atmosphere more than the “ordinary” college. While Mass Maritime is not a military school, the environment seems to be exactly what I am interested in. The discipline and regiment of the school will help me pursue my goals and give me an experience of a lifetime. The Academy is a place where I believe I can develop and enhance my personal attributes so I too can achieve the honor and respect such as Colonel Wescott. Mass Maritime Academy is a perfect fit for me; please give me a chance to achieve my career goals by accepting me at the Academy.
Application essay
What is motivating you to attend Massachusetts Maritime Academy?
The Mass Maritime Academy is a college that will put me on track to achieve my ambitions. I am thinking of a future in the United States Armed Forces, and it appears that the Academy will help me to decide how I want to go about this. I also know that attending the Academy will prepare me for an excellent career with whichever major I decide to pursue.
When I was 11 years old, I spent a week in Washington, Maryland with a family friend. His name was Colonel Bruce Wescott, who worked at the Pentagon. Spending that week with Colonel Prescott changed my life. During the 9/11 strikes he was at work in the building, and his office was destroyed by the attack. During the attack he managed to save ten co-workers who were too hurt to get themselves out. He was then given a medal and he even got to meet the president. Listening to him talk about his job and career experiences left me with the utmost respect for him and the armed services. I never felt such honor as when I walked and talked with him. I knew at that time I somehow wanted to be like him.
My family and I started visiting college campuses last summer, and I came to the conclusion that I was interested in a military school atmosphere more than the “ordinary” college. While Mass Maritime is not a military school, the environment seems to be exactly what I am interested in. The discipline and regiment of the school will help me pursue my goals and give me an experience of a lifetime. The Academy is a place where I believe I can develop and enhance my personal attributes so I too can achieve the honor and respect such as Colonel Wescott. Mass Maritime Academy is a perfect fit for me; please give me a chance to achieve my career goals by accepting me at the Academy.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
"This I Believe"
Draft 2
I believe in not living in regret. Living in regret can cause you to feel sorry for yourself, and eventually you could lose sight of your goals in life. When you have no goals or dreams your life can be affected in many negative ways. For example, your job school and your family would all be affected.
About 2 years ago hockey was everything in my life. All I ever wanted to do when I was a kid is play ice hockey. I would play year round with no more than a couple of weeks off a year. At the end of my sophomore year a few friends convinced me to play baseball during the summer, just for fun. During a baseball practice in mid-June, I ran over a small hole in the grass and tore two ligaments in my knee. I then needed surgery to replace them both. The rehab period was six months, and for four of them I couldn’t walk without a bulky brace on my leg. The rehab was long and tiring but I made it worse by not taking it too serious. The only thing I ever thought about was what if I decided to not play baseball that year. After my rehab I stopped working out, and stopped playing sports all together. As a result I missed the entire ice hockey season my junior year. Watching the games was hard to do knowing I could be helping the team. So I decided to work out that summer and play some recreation hockey, so I could try and play my senior year.
The hard work paid off I played my whole senior year, but I was never as good as I was before my injury. That didn’t matter to me. I was just happy to be playing. As a result I realized that hockey was not as important as I made it out to be. It was just a game. If I had just regretted playing baseball I would not have been able to play my final season. Now I can focus on more important things.
Post write
I feel that my second draft includes a little more information than my first one. There mere a few gaps i had left in the first draft that were explained a bit more here. Still, it seems a bit weak to me when i read it.
Now i need to find a better way to explaiin why i believe what i believe, and possibly find another way to relate my belief. The paper should also be a bit longer.
Questions i would have for the reader are:
1. Do you understand my belief?
2. Do you understand why i belive in not living in regret?
3. Do you think i should use another example?
I believe in not living in regret. Living in regret can cause you to feel sorry for yourself, and eventually you could lose sight of your goals in life. When you have no goals or dreams your life can be affected in many negative ways. For example, your job school and your family would all be affected.
About 2 years ago hockey was everything in my life. All I ever wanted to do when I was a kid is play ice hockey. I would play year round with no more than a couple of weeks off a year. At the end of my sophomore year a few friends convinced me to play baseball during the summer, just for fun. During a baseball practice in mid-June, I ran over a small hole in the grass and tore two ligaments in my knee. I then needed surgery to replace them both. The rehab period was six months, and for four of them I couldn’t walk without a bulky brace on my leg. The rehab was long and tiring but I made it worse by not taking it too serious. The only thing I ever thought about was what if I decided to not play baseball that year. After my rehab I stopped working out, and stopped playing sports all together. As a result I missed the entire ice hockey season my junior year. Watching the games was hard to do knowing I could be helping the team. So I decided to work out that summer and play some recreation hockey, so I could try and play my senior year.
The hard work paid off I played my whole senior year, but I was never as good as I was before my injury. That didn’t matter to me. I was just happy to be playing. As a result I realized that hockey was not as important as I made it out to be. It was just a game. If I had just regretted playing baseball I would not have been able to play my final season. Now I can focus on more important things.
Post write
I feel that my second draft includes a little more information than my first one. There mere a few gaps i had left in the first draft that were explained a bit more here. Still, it seems a bit weak to me when i read it.
Now i need to find a better way to explaiin why i believe what i believe, and possibly find another way to relate my belief. The paper should also be a bit longer.
Questions i would have for the reader are:
1. Do you understand my belief?
2. Do you understand why i belive in not living in regret?
3. Do you think i should use another example?
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
"This I Believe" Assignment number one
Draft 1
I believe in not living in regret. Living in regret can cause you to feel sorry for yourself, and eventually you could lose sight of your goals in life. When you have no goals or dreams your life can be affected in many negative ways. For example, your job school and your family would all be affected.
About 2 years ago hockey was everything in my life. All I ever wanted to do when I was a kid is play ice hockey. I would play year round with no more than a couple of weeks off a year. At the end of my sophomore year a few friends convinced me to play baseball during the summer, just for fun. During a baseball practice in mid-June I tore two ligaments in my knee, and had surgery to replace them both. The rehab period was six months, and for four of them I couldn’t walk without a bulky brace on my leg. The only thing I ever thought about was what if I decided to not play baseball that year. After my rehab I stopped working out, and stopped playing sports all together. As a result I missed the entire ice hockey season my junior year. Watching the games was hard to do knowing I could be helping the team. So I decided to work out that summer and play some recreation hockey, so I could try and play my senior year.
The hard work paid off I played my whole senior year, but I was never as good as I was before my injury. That didn’t matter to me. I was just happy to be playing. As a result I realized that hockey was not as important as I made it out to be. It was just a game. If I had just regretted playing baseball I would go nowhere in life. Now I can focus on going to school and hopefully getting a good job.
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