Draft 1
I believe in not living in regret. Living in regret can cause you to feel sorry for yourself, and eventually you could lose sight of your goals in life. When you have no goals or dreams your life can be affected in many negative ways. For example, your job school and your family would all be affected.
About 2 years ago hockey was everything in my life. All I ever wanted to do when I was a kid is play ice hockey. I would play year round with no more than a couple of weeks off a year. At the end of my sophomore year a few friends convinced me to play baseball during the summer, just for fun. During a baseball practice in mid-June I tore two ligaments in my knee, and had surgery to replace them both. The rehab period was six months, and for four of them I couldn’t walk without a bulky brace on my leg. The only thing I ever thought about was what if I decided to not play baseball that year. After my rehab I stopped working out, and stopped playing sports all together. As a result I missed the entire ice hockey season my junior year. Watching the games was hard to do knowing I could be helping the team. So I decided to work out that summer and play some recreation hockey, so I could try and play my senior year.
The hard work paid off I played my whole senior year, but I was never as good as I was before my injury. That didn’t matter to me. I was just happy to be playing. As a result I realized that hockey was not as important as I made it out to be. It was just a game. If I had just regretted playing baseball I would go nowhere in life. Now I can focus on going to school and hopefully getting a good job.
Brandon Raposo
ReplyDelete9-22-09
David Mendonca/This I believe
In your own words, fully and with precision, describe what the assignment is asking the writer (your partner) to do? Please use your own words rather than merely quote from the assignment.
In this assignment you are suppose to state a belief and then describe how that belief has been challenged throughout your life so far. The topic could be about anything and
To what extent has your partner met the expectations of the assignment? Please pick a passage as illustration and describe what works well there. Again, try to use your own words.
My partner has met the expectations for this assignment for the most part.
‘’I believe not living in regret’’ and then he ties it as he stated later that the hard work I did paid off I played my whole senior year, but I was never as good as I was before my injury’’. so he states that instead of living in regret and being depressed all the time about the injury he actually went out there and played his senior year. Knowing he wouldn’t be as good as before he accepted it and went on.
What area needs more work? Why? Please pick a passage as illustration and describe what isn’t working.
He needs to fix the ending. I think he kind of goes on a tangent in the end, he should write more then put the ending in the middle and then wrap the ending up better with something else. As a result I realized that hockey was not as important as I made it out to be. It was just a game. If I had regretted playing baseball I would go nowhere in life. Now I can focus on going to school and hopefully getting a good job.
Please indicate TWO questions about the draft and at least ONE suggestion for ways to improve it.
How exactly did you tear the ligaments in your knee?
How was rehab?
Ways to Improve would be:
Write more
Go into more detail